Ros-li just mentioned that I had no life. Nevermind. Uh. Yeah. How super duper lame! I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worse...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
If you want I'll try to love again,
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
But when it comes to lovin' me, he's worse...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cos' if you want I'll try to love again
(try to love again, try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know, OOHHH....

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
When it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worse

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again...


1 cup butter, softened 1 cup white sugar
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract




1 In small saucepan cook flour and milk until it forms a ball, stirring constantly. Cool to room temperature.

2 With an electric mixer, beat butter and sugar until fluffy.

3 Beat both mixtures together on high speed until fluffy and smooth. Add vanilla and beat until combined. Refrigerate for about 1/2 hour, until it is of spreading consistency. I want my dream. I forgot what made me feel it all suddenly but I felt sad. It was the terrible type of sadness where you think nothing is ever possible. I want my dream. Now. 1 C egg whites 1 lb sugar 1 lb unsalted butter warm egg whites and sugar in a bain marie until sugar is dissolved. then transfer into mixer and whip until cool. once cool, add softened butter to bowl, little at a time and whip until a fluffy consistency is reached. do not overbeat :D I remember Natasha and I remember that I hated all dates before prom-after prom and why I didn't go. =_= it all made me just way too fucking. Sad. I believe in you too much and I trust you so much that it makes me break down when I just think something is wrong when everything is just fine and dandy.

GEEZ I CUT MY HAIR. WHAT KIND OF FREAK CUTS THEIR OWN HAIR. Take a picture. CHEESE! It's not short enough. Cut again. CHEESE. It's too much. Cut cut snip snip.

Maybe I should stop.

Then it happens again later on. If I weren't so vain I wouldn't have stopped but I drown in pools of eyes that they see me. =_= The first thing that came across my mind when I thought about cutting it, "I'm not going to prom. Just cut it all off. I'm ugly anyway."

They were so sharp.

Let go if you need to. It's okay. Honestly. It would be okay. this pitas smells like poo! I had a waffo today :D my family thinks I'm crazy about waffo~ :D :D waffo fo fo. I was making a waffo icon and my dad caught me and he was all OMG SHE'S CRAZY SHE'S LOOKING @ THE COMPUTER PRETENDING SHE'S EATING WAFFO! I'm not THAT crazy. Mehehe. I went to IHOP this morning anyway :9 waffo!! :D :D

Krystal was in my dream this morning o.0 apparrently, I wasn't very happy with her and I yelled at her..if you call that yelling. And she went all gangster bitch on me o.0; DONT CHOO BE TALKING NO SHIT GIRLFRIEND OH HELL NO. bahaha. W3rD talk about BFF [best friends fighting, jason buttafoco] Next I remember getting out of Brian's car and he was mad at me o___O but he doesn't have a car which means that he can't be mad at me since when one reality =/= real dream = not realy! harhar XD or I dunno. I just made that up right now :D;;;

Then I thought I was at Jeff but really I was @ Westmoor! :o!! @__@ It was graduation practice or something or maybe it was camp o.0;;;;;; BLAH KAY.

I had my OMG!! I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL!! dream 2 weeks into vacation. w3Rd! granma is back from toronto :D yay.

The kid remembers me! That kid that bit me ^__^; he's 7 now. He was 2 before. ^_^; that's a good memory ^__^; I cry alone all the time. I even remember my sister trying to touch me and I shunted her away. It's like I couldn't stand it.

I think my family..is weird the way we have no hugging ever. I remember Brian's mom told him to kiss her as she went off to Vegas =3 it was just the sweetest thing in the world. I would give anything to let them get closer to me. I grew up without hugging, without touch so it would be weird when I do get a hug or when someone gets too close to me. If I wasn't close to them, I would freak out. Only recently I've began talking to people and becoming social and less mental. Well, I've got to go to work tomorrow >_<; GEEZ you would think they would tell me a day ahead of time. Not like I have much to do you know..but STILL.

Turns out that mother dear has been flipping out for justifiable reasons. She KNOWS that dad's like that though T_T whatever..we don't have any sons in the family because they've been aborted. My sisters and I could've been men for all we know. What. Ever.

Crud. I hate the way I've come down here to blog/rant/bitch and I forget all of it the moment I get through something. @_@ oh well.

=_= The layout thing didn't turn out as great as I wanted it all due to lazinezz and stuff. WAH. I are tired.

The past few days I've found myself going completely MENTAL. Honestly I've never had such stresful days. @__@ I went to deh movies with deh friend yesterday :D Saw Harold and Kumar. Ryan [I went to his window ^^;] still thinks I'm 15 or something :D;;; I'm going to be 18 soon. Anyway, best-stupid movie I've ever seen :D :D :D haven't seen many. WOULD SEE IT AGAIN :D

O yeah. I hope to be getting driver's training :D;; I wonder if I can get my permit right now with out driver's ed. *sweatdrop*

Went to BKu's house o.o but Jason wasn't there! I was meh @_@; but it was all good :D BKu made food :D :D guwahaha! super el duper.

They're feuding again. Back to a level in which they believe that they hate each other. I'm not so sure that I want to write about this. Err.. BLAH

Why are they fighting? Because they're old and married and unhappy. And they're not in love. The sister said everything was okay for dad because you know, mother dear is pretty :D but she's not very inneresting. I can tell you that in so many ways but I won't. My dad isn't much of a romancer so there is nothing that my mom will see that will make her in love with him. I think he was quite handsome...I see it in their wedding picture. They look so happy in there. Cheese, cheese. Smile, smile. My mom kind of hints it a lot. "That's how a men treat women that they love." *POINTS AT TV SCREEN* Dad: "really?" *continues cutting fish up* <



Anyway. I've been posting in livejournal a lot lately. Most of it just me being completely mental. It's become my favorite word that one. Mental.

I'll be putting up a new layout soon. T.T souls on sale. BLAH it's from that really cool mellow drama I've been watching @ 9 in Chinese. It's about these two immortals that ruin people's lives by stealing the essence of their soul such as you know, internet knowledge, drama, poetics, mathematics...things that they're brilliant in. I'm not sure what it's spose to teach yet..but I will soon enough. ^_^;

Thursday, July 29, 2004 11:57 p.m.
here we go now.

there's no better way to write than on paper i feel so gorgeously better now that i've written out my complete and whole hearted feelings. yet i'm still debating on whether i should post in lj or pitas or not. but now i can do my homework in absolute peace. i'm so happy.

Thursday, July 29, 2004 07:22 p.m.
blah diddley

I'm drowning in my affection for you.

I can't handle all of this. I can't wait for LiLB's party but then again I have no idea how I'm going to get there. SOMEONE GIVE ME A RIDE @_____@ Where the crap is that anyway? TODAY IS THE 29TH HAPPY 1 MONTH XMANGO.PITAS.COM. Yay. How exciting.

I'm so brain dead. I'm so dead. I'm so gone. I'm talking in circles. I'm talking in riddles. I need some reassurance. I need some uplifting. I need some LOVE. I need a waffo. haha. I need you. I need YOU. I need YOU. Where are YOU?

I don't wanna be on the holiday. I don't wanna drown in this misery. Don't let me drown in my misery.

miso sushiful (7:51:07 PM): sheesh you're too good to him

ehhe thanks sugar cake.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004 09:17 p.m.
please do not BS the workers.

No your friend did not get a pair of sequenced slippers for 3 dollars. Now would you kindly step aside and go to hell? Thank you.

People are really cheap. Whateverrr...

I went to the store today. I wonder if I made a mark o.0 10YUE ALREADY.

I'm looking at this summary that I should do for Kramer in case I'm able to miraculously make it into honors English. I don't think I mind if I'm not in it. I just rather..well. Crap. Maybe I should try harder in other subjects such as math and science and BS my English grade from this day forward. I'm not sure yet.

Life is going by way too fast. As of tomorrow around 12, I will be able to save my life from a faulted experiment. And next year around this day, I will be thinking about going for the Spring Semester in some college; maybe I'll be chasing after my dreams. WHAT THE HELL ARE DREAMS ANYWAY. I don't think I have any and the ones I have won't give me a lot of money in the future. I don't wanna look stupid in mom and dad's eyes. I hate them for being money grubbing. What's the point? Okay, you have money, now what? They're too savvy to spend anyway.

1358//072704
SO SHOULD I INCORPORATE MYSELF INTO MY ACADEMIC LIFE OR SHOULD I REACH OUT TO MY PASSION?

Life is so short. Life is so short. Where the hell am I going? I don't feel like I can just live the moment anymore. I can't do it.

Well, tomorrow is the last day I can save my life..again.

Saturday, July 24, 2004 12:26 p.m.
happy birthday primo david.

Guwahah. I called him earlier but I'm in no mood..eh..

HAPPIBIRFDAY DAVID

What can I do? Everything will be so painful and nerve racking. I can't do it today. I can't. It'll be so hard. I don't want it all to end. Why can't we be like summer, winter, fall and spring? They go in circles but not like the circles they see us in. Beautiful song oh beautiful song. Life is like that because it goes on but I'm not sure if we will. I can tell that in time, you will be near but I can't wait for the day when you'll finally be here. We're on our holiday today.

inside my fake plastic love

This layout is really crappy but I'm going to be keeping it forever. GWUWAHAH. I COULD have done 7284923789432 times better but it's late and I are lazy! XD;; sigh.
-mango 080204 2:54 a.m.